Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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