If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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