I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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