Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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