Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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