you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
