Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
