3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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