it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
