Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
