its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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