I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
