let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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