somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
