I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
