totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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