i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
