Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
