the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dicks are not precious.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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