Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
