I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
