A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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