Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
