"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I love black thongs
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
