I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
