So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
