perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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