You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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