bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
