Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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