I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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