Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
