i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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