my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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