i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
