In the future we'll all be gay
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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