Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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