All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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