Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize