His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
