You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
