she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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