I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
