you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
