i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
