Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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