As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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