Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
