Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
