All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
