He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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