My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
