found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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