your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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