I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
