legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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