I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My cat gives me a boner
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
