no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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