i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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