Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
