Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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