I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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