well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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