i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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