He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
